Surrounded by a wall of grapefruit and with a pelican stuck in the side of my head, I felt myself ride up on 30 or 40 yellow balls and maintain my balance for about 200 feet. It was a lot like riding rollers and my cadence increased to about 160 rpms. With my cranks spinning wildly, I came off the front wave of grapefruit and onto dry pavement. Unfortunately for me I had been turned sideways, trying to stay upright, and was now pointed directly at the guard rail. The damn Pelican was still screaming and squawking as we rode over the guard rail together and plunged into the shallow waters of the Laguna Madre. During the 150 foot free fall, we managed to do a couple of front flips with a half twist. The stupid bird didn't shut up till I smacked the water face first, with a perfect belly flop.

I don't know how long we floated in the water together. We were both still a little dazed when the Wildlife Ranger pulled up along side and freed the bird. As he hand cuffed me to the rail of the Coast Guard ship, he read, out loud to me, each and every Federal statue and regulation, on feeding, trapping and capturing an endangered species.

As the ship sped toward the Federal Incarceration Unit at Brownsville, I caught a glimpse of my bike. It was still upright, the Campy Aero wheels stuck in two feet of muddy saltwater, and perched on my Flite titanium saddle, was a grinning brown pelican, sunning himself.

As I sit here writing this, with lots of time to kill, I wonder, how long Columbus MAX steel tubing will last, exposed to saltwater, before rusting completely through? I hope it will last at least six months. That's the sentence I'm currently serving in the Alcatraz of the Southwest.

Don TRUE Federal Penitentiary Solitary Confinement Brownsville, Texas

Last Updated @ 7:43 PM on 6/30/96