(Burn baby..., burn.....)
hen the bike tried to go through Santa's legs, Jim and I bailed off in a snow bank. The tandem still upright and powered by the propane went through Santa's legs. But the grill was too large to make it through and became lodged between his legs. We watched in horror, as a 30 foot Santa, with his crotch on fire was pulled down the sidewalk by a jet propelled Santana tandem, trailing 3000 feet of sparking Christmas lights along behind.
As Santa rolled down the sidewalk, pedestrians screamed and they jumped for their lives out of its way. He ripped the Christmas lights from each pole as he past, and suddenly the electrical power to all of Dover went dead. When the out of control Santa approached the City park, several young children on the play ground equipment, saw the Santa from hell about to run them down and fled screaming in terror.
Santa's last stop was, unfortunately for me, Bike n Bob's store, Bob had come out to see what all the commotion in Downtown Dover was about. Santa crossed the park, shooting 40 foot flames from his rear and made a bee line for the front of Bike n Bob's. Bob, wide eyed, couldn't believe he was seeing Santa on a Santana, threw himself out of the way seconds before Santa crashed through his main display window.
It was here that Santa had his final meltdown, right next to several Treks and high dollar Cannondales. Titanium melts at 1455 degrees Fahrenheit. And the Santana was no exception to the laws of chemistry and physics. It and seven other bikes were fused with 30 feet of red and white plastic to create an interesting piece of modern art sculpture that now sits somewhere in the Dover land fill.
The fire was contained to the display window and the heat almost reached the cash register counter where my plastic Mastercard sat. The edges of it were curled and blackened, but somehow Bob was still able to read the numbers off it, and billed me $27,395.
So if you don't get a present from me this year, I'll hope you'll understand.
Christmas in Dover
Last updated @ 4:46 AM on 5/19/96
By Don TRUE - Copyright © 1993 - All Rights Reserved